That moment when you feel your blood boiling, eyes twitching, and mind racing. It’s an inexplicable yet overwhelmingly strong feeling towards another person. My parents have always said don’t use the word hate, “It’s a strong word” and I assumed that they were protecting others from hurtful words. However, I recently found out that they were protecting me from the strong feeling of hate.
It’s okay not to like someone. I mean, it’s impossible to like everyone and for everyone to like you. If it were possible, everyone would be exactly the same, with the same values, aspirations, and experiences. I’ve always been one to refrain from talking about other people. It doesn’t feel good. Instead of embracing differences, people are pointing out differences and laughing at people. However, I didn’t feel bad when I hated someone, one person in particular. To be honest they made me so upset, because they would give people mean looks, talk about everyone, and shout-out nonsense all the time, yet everyone gravitated towards them. One day, while having a class discussion this person was acting how they normally act, rude beyond compare. I barely made it through class, because my blood was boiling, my eyes were twitching, and my mind was racing about things like, “Why don’t people call them out?”, “Why are they so rude?”, and finally “What can I do about IT?”. I stopped participating in class discussion.
The interesting thing about my hate is that I was acting irrationally. I labeled this person as the destructor of freedom. I labeled this person as the reason I was afraid to speak up. I labeled this person as an embodiment of everything bad in high school. Obviously, this is not a good mindset to have, and I was thinking, “How can I make people see how bad they are?”. Hopefully, you realize, as i’ve realized, I was outlining our differences and planning to expose why the other person’s differences are bad, through an all-out exposé of their character. Basically, I’d be gossiping, the exact thing I’m against. You see, this hate was close to pushing me to do things I wouldn’t want to do.
I still don’t like that person, but it’s fine because I respect our differences. As I stated earlier, it’s okay not to like everyone, but please don’t do something you’d regret, going against your values. Don’t hate, for your sake. Hate is a strong word and a strong feeling. I’ve realized that it’s such a strong thing because it is a melting pot of many emotions. When you hate someone, take a couple of minutes to outline why. Trust me, this is good. For example, the reasons I hated this person because:
- They are too confident.
- They are too rude.
- They are too judgmental.
- Everyone likes them.
Then, take a look at your list and take out anything that isn’t actually bad, or a trait you think you have as well. For example, it is good to be confident and I’d like if people liked me. Stop linking traits together, like I did. I thought people like them because they were rude and judgemental, but that’s not necessarily the case. I can’t make that judgement. Lastly, notice that most of the time the things that really are bad can’t be changed by you trying to hurt them. In fact, you might be doing the things you don’t like. For example, as stated above, I would be both rude and judgmental if I were to “expose” this person by gossiping. By going through this process I realized that the other person intimidated me and made me feel jealous. They had something I wanted, confidence. They voiced their opinions, although not always nice, and moved on with their day. I realized that IT, hate, broken down into jealousy and intimidation, needed work. What I did about IT was I took the focus off the other person and uses the situation to improve myself.
Don’t fall in to the trap of hate. Instead, embrace individualism, notice your own contradictions, and just keep swimming in your own lane.
Peace out dudes and dudettes!